there’s no such thing as “doing too much”

game is not real

A screenshot from Prinny’s TikTok

Last Monday, I was in a café scrolling through TikTok while waiting for my order when I came across this video of Prinny (@theprinnyway). In the video, she was baking a carrot cake to bring to the guy she was seeing on their second date. The text explains that her date hadn’t had carrot cake ever since his parents got divorced years ago, so she made one for him to give him a chance to experience it again. A kind gesture was all it was, but it sparked polarizing reactions from viewers.

I already knew what to expect when I opened the comments section. Many people believed that she was setting herself up for failure by doing a sweet and intimate gesture too soon, saying that she was doing too much very early in their growing connection. Others shared their own negative experiences doing something nice for the people they love and getting nothing in return. The other people in the comments section came to her defense and praised her for doing a thoughtful gesture for her date. Gestures like that aren’t appreciated enough; people believe that it will make someone look too eager, which takes away the thrill of the chase.

Comments on Prinny’s TikTok

The positive comments flooded the negative ones over time, but the number of negative comments surprised me. For a moment, I thought that I was on Instagram reels.

I pondered over the video while eating my breakfast. I could understand where both sides were coming from. The negative comments served as a warning for her to be cautious. In today’s dating scene, people are required to be more vigilant by not giving too much of themselves away too soon. However, the comments felt backhanded. It’s as if they were projecting their own insecurities about relationships onto her situation. They were feeding her the idea that putting in that much effort for someone will drive them away instead of drawing them in.

What if she’s just the type of girl to bake cakes for her loved ones? Maybe the act of baking a cake for someone is such a big gesture for one person, but it’s second nature to her.

Some people just love loudly. They carry their hearts on their sleeves, giving pieces of themselves away without expecting anything in return. With every act of love, they leave their tender marks on every surface they touch. To be loved by this kind of individual is a testament to how pure, devoted love still exists in a sea of people who love to play the game.

The souls who shine this bright are the ones who are at risk of being taken advantage of. They don’t attract this kind of energy because of who they are as a person; narcissists inherently seek them out because they are attracted to their vulnerability. They view their tenderness as weakness, making them easier to manipulate as they feed off their energy and claim it as their own. Pure-hearted people wouldn’t even wrap their heads around playing with the feelings of people they care about because they couldn’t even fathom bringing that much pain to someone.

In an update video to address the comments, Prinny clarified that it was actually his birthday on the day after their second date. The carrot cake story was told on their first date, and she thought it was the perfect opportunity to do something nice for him. She loves cooking and baking for people and having them taste the food she makes. She also clarified that she didn’t bake the whole cake for him alone. She gave him one slice while the rest was shared amongst her friends. Their second date didn’t go so well, but her date still expressed his appreciation for the cake.

The fact that she cleared up the situation was so bizarre to me. From the first watch, it’s clear that she really wasn’t doing too much. The whole situation reminded me how obsessed people are with the game. These days, it’s all about acting nonchalant to make them seem more desirable. Relationship and personal development “gurus” promote mastering “dark psychology” and other absurd techniques to gain the upper hand in a relationship. If you’re in control, you’re less likely to get hurt.

Is it worth being in a relationship if you have to control them? These kinds of connections are often shallow and transactional, ending once the thrill is gone or when you can no longer be controlled. A genuine relationship doesn’t require an instruction manual on how to win; it’s more about how much you’re willing to give.

Putting up a front prevents others from truly getting to know them. It keeps the relationship from developing beyond the shallow stages. This kind of behavior may be a defense mechanism stemming from old wounds, but it is something they must overcome on their own. They should let people love the way they want to, without allowing themselves to project the wounded part of themselves onto other people.

In my article last September, “the age of insincerity” I wrote about vulnerability and its importance in building genuine connections. The moment you shed the mask you wear to be more digestible to others is the moment you will gain more honest relationships – not only with others, but also with yourself. If we’re afraid of showing others how we feel, we gain nothing. We will never really know how people feel if we don’t try to communicate and be vulnerable with them.

It’s a risk, but is it truly your loss if you lose someone by being your genuine self?

Facing a streak of lackluster connections is something most people go through in their late teens to mid-twenties. People come and go, and most of these interactions are simply a test to see what we’re willing to tolerate long-term. Are you going to walk away, or endure something that doesn’t serve your higher purpose? At first, you might start to overthink and wonder what part of you drives other people away, but you’ll soon learn that it’s less about you and more about who you allow into your life.

I used to resent past connections because they didn’t work out, thinking that it was a failure that I couldn’t keep someone in my life for a long time. “I lost because I was doing too much,” I thought. With time, I realized how silly it was to think I lost because if they were meant to be in my life, they would have chosen to stay. Each ending prompted me to look inward and chase the love I was yearning for within myself. Maybe it wasn’t meant to last because their motives didn’t match your intentions. Maybe the universe knew something you didn’t, and removed them from your life to protect you. It’s a humbling experience realizing why people were never meant to stay in my life, and it showed me that I cannot control what happens to me. I just have to trust that I’m always on the right path.

No matter what the reason is, these people left to make space for growth or a better experience to come to you.

There’s no such thing as doing too much when you’re with the right person. No matter how hurt you were in the past, it shouldn’t warrant you to make yourself smaller, quieter, or indifferent to be more desirable to others. The people online talking about how to play the game will continue to play the game, while you will keep building your relationships and keeping the ones that matter close to you. Those who match the purity of your intentions won’t be threatened by your vulnerability and will see your effort as an opportunity to deepen your relationship.

Every gesture, no matter how big or small, will be appreciated when the person receiving it is capable of handling something real. There’s no fear of them disappearing after you’ve bared your soul to them or at the first sign of things getting tough, because they love you for who you are, not the experience of being with someone.

And how lucky are we to love every version of each other, and every version we’ll meet.

It may be hard to open yourself up again after being burned. There’s this urge to curl inward and hesitate before speaking your mind, fearing that the things you say won’t matter once your time is over with that person. But loving someone is never a waste, and all the love you’ve given other people in the past needed it at the time (even if they didn’t deserve it).

You may think it’s foolish, but to love again after being burned is a feat in itself. Love will come to you anyway, so there’s no point in closing yourself off or feeling anxious about the love you keep giving out into the world not returning to you. It will always come back to you in ways you won’t expect. Do what you feel is right at the moment, and don’t give in to the game.

You live, you love, you break, then you’ll learn to love again.

Just stay true.

All the love,

Doll

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