he loves you, but not enough to be the villain in your story
The right one would let you go.
“Whenever I watch Sex and The City, I get so frustrated at Carrie every time she goes back to Big, but then I realize that… she’s me!”
My friend Reese expressed her frustrations as we sat in the corner of the cafe. She and her situationship split up a few weeks ago, but despite their no-contact agreement, they still chat from time to time.
“Why can’t we stay away from each other? Are we meant to be?”
Girl, I think that’s a karmic relationship.
I met Reese two years ago at the same cafe when I was still a freshman in college. I found her really pretty, and as we talked more frequently, I grew to love her honesty and her big heart. She’s intelligent and always knows the right thing to say. When I look at her, I feel her energy pull me in. Back then, I would always look forward to going to the cafe in hopes of seeing her.
She’s the kind of girl who loves with her whole heart, and it breaks mine to see her act this way over a guy.
I listened to her talk about what they had. All of her intense feelings and unanswered questions were aired out. One thing that stuck with her was that, after all of this, after she showed him her most authentic self, after pulling out all of her cards, why was he still so nice to her even after stating that he didn’t want a relationship with her?
After they split up, she cried as she confessed her feelings, and he still held her and comforted her. When she sent him a long message expressing how she felt about him, he replied with a long message about how he felt. She would call and he would answer.
He responds as though the love is requited, though he just can’t commit to her.
From that conversation, I came to realize that there are men who love you, but not enough to be the villain in your story. He will check up on you after the split to see how you’re doing, but that’s only to see if you resent him. He’s just checking if he still has the privileges you used to grant him. He’s checking if he still has access to you.
They will make it their life’s mission to look like the good guy in your story for the sake of their ego and to keep you close if there’s no one left to tolerate their nonsense.
These kinds of men will keep you around and make you hope that he’ll choose you one day. Maybe he won’t, and it will break your heart. Maybe he will, but it won’t be fulfilling.
If it was you all along, then why would he put you through such a difficult time?
It’s simply because you let it happen. You’ll be stuck in this cycle until you learn your lesson. Just because he keeps pulling you in doesn’t mean that you’re meant to stay in that position. Sometimes, these kinds of people enter our lives to show us the kinds of relationships we shouldn’t settle for.
“What if we really are meant to be?”
The right one wouldn’t trap you with him if he’s not in a good place in his life. He would let you go. And if you truly are meant to be, then you’ll find your way back to each other.
There are lessons and phases in your life you have to go through alone. I learned that the hard way. The more you try to force a relationship or an outcome in your life, the worse your situation will get. Most of the time, it won’t be fulfilling at all, and you’ll ask yourself why you desperately wanted it in the first place.
As tempting as it seems to see where this connection will go, you have to stand your ground. No amount of chemistry or potential will make settling worth it. Settling down with someone will never compare to meeting someone who will elevate your life.
Taking time alone will teach you a lot about yourself. For the first time in a while, you won’t be focused on memorizing someone’s favorite things, watching their favorite sitcoms, or reading articles about the compatibility of your zodiac signs.
Instead, you will be learning about what you truly want in life. You will pick up hobbies that bring you joy and keep you occupied as you heal. You will be the center of your universe, and it’s going to be a wonderful experience. You’ll finally make decisions for yourself without having to think about how someone would feel.
Trust the process
We can never be so certain about how our lives are supposed to unfold. We’re the ones holding the steering wheel, but it’s God who is building the path we’re on. People will come and go, we’ll get hurt, and we’ll heal and understand why things happened the way they did.
Focus on the now and keep growing and working towards your goals. Be happy and go on adventures while you’re still single.
There’s someone out there who is preparing themselves to meet you. This person is learning all their lessons so they’ll know how to handle you with care. When it happens, it will be natural. You won’t have to mastermind it.
Only God knows what is meant for you, and most of the time, he’ll give you more than what you prayed for.
Love,
Doll
Thank you so much for reading the devotee!
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why you’re scared of wanting
I currently own four journals: one for planning, one for writing down my feelings and doing shadow work, and one for junk journaling. The fourth one is my MacBook photo booth for when my mind moves too quickly, and I can’t write my thoughts fast enough.
really loved this post! sometimes maybe they do care more than we think by letting us go instead of holding on
let my mr big go and feel amazing